I need to ask you something:

What would you do if you weren’t so afraid of
your loved one with borderline personality disorder?

Well, I guess I should back up a minute and ask you,
ARE you afraid of your loved one?

Because most of the supporters I hear from are afraid
of their loved one. They tell me they feel like they’re
walking on eggshells most of the time, afraid of doing
something wrong.

There are several reasons for this (besides the obvious
face that your loved one has borderline personality disorder).

One of the biggest things about borderline personality
disorder is that the person suffering from it has a skewed
image of themselves. They see things in black and white.

Usually this means that they are right and you are wrong.
Even if you’re right!

Combine this with the fact that they may pick a fight with
you out of NOWHERE! And you never saw it coming.
There was no precipitating factor involved at all.

In fact, you may have been having fun a minute ago,
and the next thing you know, you’re in this huge fight,
and they’re right, and you’re wrong (and you still have
no idea what the fight is even about)!

The worst part is, if you try to fight back, they might
go into a rage, and then you’re really scared, because
then they become unpredictable. You have no idea
what’s going to happen then.

They might just be verbal about it this time. They may
berate you. Tell you how stupid you are. How
you never do anything right. What are they doing
with you, anyway? Humiliate you. Yell at you
(a lot). Scream. Throw things around.

And the fear is always there – Are they going to
hit you instead of the wall this time?

In my main course and resource below, I describe
unpredictable behavior associated with a loved
one who has borderline personality disorder :

SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/

NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/

Is it the behavior itself that really frightens you?

Or the fact that it’s so unpredictable?

Or the fact that it’s your loved one that does it?

Or the fact that you’re just plain afraid all the
time around your loved one, and you walk around
on eggshells, afraid of doing something wrong,
afraid of arousing his wrath?

Let me ask you something:

What would you do if you weren’t so afraid?

What would you do if your life was more “normal”?

What would you do if you didn’t have to live
like this?

What would you do if you weren’t being yelled
at all the time?

What would you do if your self-esteem weren’t
in the pits?

What would you do if you actually had friends
that you could see and be with without being
afraid that your loved one would get jealous?

And again I ask,

What would you do if you weren’t so afraid?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Your Friend,
Dave

The ambition is to untangle many of the baffling genetic and
biochemical threads driving the developmental brain disorder. While
there are many scientific tacks to take, Shannon Weickert’s search is
shaped by her expertise in brain development.

“I think of mechanisms that change with adolescence,” she explains.
What changes? Hormones, of course, such as the so-called female hormone
estrogen. That “of course” moment led Shannon Weickert and colleagues
to look for genes implicated in estrogen’s business in the brain.

They hit paydirt.

read the rest here –
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,24108807-23289,00.html

Your Friend,
Dave

Today I want to talk to you about

WORRY THOUGHTS

These are thoughts that your loved one has that get in the way of their
personal (interpersonal) effectiveness. One of these worry thoughts is that they
worry about bad consequences. This is because they’re afraid even before they
attempt to try anything, of what is going to happen AFTER they try it! This kind of
thing will keep them immobilized, so they won’t do anything at all. That’s why it’s
called a worry thought. They worry about whether they deserve to get what they want.
A lot of people are like this, not just people with borderline personality disorder. They
feel guilty if they get what they want, thinking about the starving kids in Africa, or
whatever. But with someone who has borderline personality disorder, this becomes a
worry thought, and is exaggerated.

In my main course and resource below:

SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/

NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/

I teach about the signs/symptoms of people with borderline personality disorder,
and how sometimes they will have these kinds of thoughts, which determine how
they’ll act (or keep them from acting). For example, they also worry about not
being perfect. Now, some people who don’t even have borderline personality disorder
might be like that, and strive for perfectionism, but that’s something completely different.

Someone with BPD will worry it to death. It will affect everything for them. Like if
they can’t do it perfectly, they won’t try it at all.

And the real problem is that they not only expect themselves to be perfect, but
they expect YOU to be perfect, too, which can lead to a lot more problems.

Another worry thought is that they worry about doing things wrong. This is different from what I was just saying. Your loved one has a tendency to see everything in black and white, right and wrong terms. So they really worry about doing things wrong. This is a big concern for them.

In the same way, they worry about being a bad person. See? Black/white, right/wrong,
bad/good. But this goes way back to when they were real little, and has to do with their
low self-esteem and poor self-image (or lack of one). Deep down, your loved one may truly think they really are a bad person, so this may be a big worry thought for them.

Your loved one may even have a worry thought that they’ll fall apart if they get around strangers, that they won’t be able to hold up their “mask” any longer.

So they may not want to do things in public with you. So if you have a loved one like that, you may be able to understand why now.

Your Friend,

Dave